The Birth of Kano: Memoirs of Yukiko Kazan

[Yukiko]

January 20, 415 A.W.

Today’s the second anniversary of Mother’s death. Of course I missed honoring the first one because I hadn’t even thought about it. But I can’t change that, can I? If I could change that, I could change her being dead.

I spent the day making and drinking different kinds of tea. I’ve always admired the way Mother could make pouring tea look like the most elegant and beautiful action in the world. She always had the elegance of a swiftly-flowing stream and the overwhelming beauty of a thundering waterfall no matter what she was doing. But...I don’t know...I noticed it the most when she poured tea. Maybe because she loved tea. That was something she and I have in common. But she disliked Spice Tea, the preferred type in our Nation. She liked jasmine best and just about any kind that wasn’t Spice.

Genji joined me today. He said he needed a break, too. I sometimes wonder, though. He doesn’t seem to work very hard at much of anything. Then again, I don’t see much of him during the school year. So I guess I should just be glad I got to spend time with him.

[Yukiko]

January 27, 415 A.W.

Today, I started reading the first part of a 7-volume treatise that Hikaru finished a few weeks before he died. It’s a comprehensive history of the Fire Nation. It starts with the history of the Sun People first learning Firebending from the dragons and goes straight up to present day. This is how I can honor him. He was always seeking knowledge and using it in any way he could. And for all his tactlessness, he was brilliant and unfailingly kind.

And apparently poetic. I never knew that about Hikaru before reading this. But he really had a knack for writing. You’d think it’d be all dry and dull. Most of the history texts I’ve read are. But I think I spent about 5 hours straight reading the first volume before I realized it was time for dinner. I wonder if all his works are like this?

[Yukiko]

February 4, 415 A.W.

It was around today that Papa first became really sick. He hadn’t been feeling very well since Hikaru died, but it sorta came to a head today, his 51st birthday.

It started when we went to dinner at the Dragon’s Lair. It’s one of Papa’s favorite restaurants. Kind of a...rallying together after Mother’s and Hikaru’s deaths. I think it was the last time my family was together like that...celebrating something. It didn’t last long, though. Papa had to use the restroom and it wasn’t a pretty sight. Kishi called a rickshaw while Arashi and Raiden helped support him. They rode with him back to the house while the rest of us walked. I don’t think he left his bed much after that day. I think the worst part is that none of us saw it coming, even though he’d been out of sorts for the past week. Because he’d seemed fine that day. A little paler than usual, but still ready for anything. And in an instant, that changed. It’s a frightening thing to realize: that nothing is forever. That anyone can fall at any moment.

[Yukiko]

March 23, 415 A.W.

The whole family has been in an uproar all day long. Aunt Fumi, one of Papa’s sisters, gave birth today. It was a baby boy.

Although that’s not a reason to fuss about the entire day, it’s Aunt Fumi. She’s always been a bit sickly. And most of the times she’s been pregnant, she’s...miscarried? I think that’s the word. She’s had 9 pregnancies. 6 miscarriages and one died as a baby. The other two are still going strong, though both are girls.

The reason for the fuss, besides the fact that she actually gave birth, is that the baby was born early. The family doctor, Doctor Shen, isn’t sure he’ll survive. And Aunt Fumi didn’t look so great afterwards.

[Yukiko]

March 25, 415 A.W.

Aunt Fumi died today. I overheard her husband and Papa’s brother Masahiro taking about “internal bleeding.” I asked Genji what that meant and he said that it’s when a person’s wounded inside their bodies and the wound bleeds, but the blood stays inside. That seems like a pretty rotten way to die. I hope it wasn’t painful. But it sounds like it probably was. It really sucks. She was my favorite aunt. She was always nice to us and treated us like we were her own children, especially after Papa passed away. They were always really close when he was alive.

[Yukiko]

March 30, 415 A.W.

The baby boy finally followed Aunt Fumi to the Spirit World. It’s not really a surprise...but for some reason, it really hurts. Uncle Etsuo didn’t even get a chance to name him. I hope he’ll be okay. He didn’t take Aunt Fumi’s death very well. He’s always been really attached to her.

I wonder what will happen to Uncle Etsuo now? Aunt Fumi was the one with the Kazan family name. And since they never had any surviving sons...There IS precedent for casting them out of the family compound. After all, the Kazans have always been...self-contained? Something like that. They don’t usually marry outside our very LARGE family. Which would explain why so many of them are freaking crazy.

[Yukiko]

April 3, 415 A.W.

For now, it seems Uncle Etsuo will get to stay with the family. I’m not sure who spoke on his behalf, because I know Grandfather was definitely considering casting him out. The crazy old fart has no real concept of what “family” is.

Genji says it’s none of my business now. That I should be focusing on preparing for my final examinations. I don’t know why he’s fussing about that. The exams are over a month away. And right now, I’m third or fourth in the class. I think I’ll be fine.

[Yukiko]

April 13, 415 A.W.

I’ve been sick the past week. It’s been kinda disgusting and irritating. Puking, coughing, sneezing, more puking. I’m feeling a bit better today, but not by much. Doctor Shen is supposed to stop by again later on to see if I can stomach any medicine.

Considering the last thing I had - some water - went flying across the room to splatter the walls, I don’t think I’ll be up for much. Especially since that was just two hours ago. I HATE being sick.

[Yukiko]

May 4, 415 A.W.

So...I’m finally starting to get over whatever it was I had. I’m still really weak and it’s exhausting to move too much, but Doctor Shen says I’m on the mend now. I should be good to go for the finals in two weeks. I’m certainly not looking forward to it now. I haven’t been able to do anything since I last wrote.

Doctor Shen gave me the medicine and somehow I managed to keep it down. I was fine for the rest of the day. When I woke up the next day, I tried to eat a little bit. It didn’t go over very well. After a few bites, I was spewing the food and blood all over the table. It was really gross and just made me puke even more. I don’t think I’ve ever been that physically miserable EVER. And I NEVER want to be that sick again. EVER. It sucks!

[Yukiko]

May 12, 415 A.W.

I’ve had a hell of a time trying to catch up on all my work. I just turned in the last assignment today and have FINALLY been able to start doing review work. I don’t know if I’m gonna do very well on the exams this year. I’ve only got 6 days to prepare.

[Yukiko]

May 25, 415 A.W.

I just finished my last exam a little over an hour ago. It was my Firebending exam and I’m pretty sure I’ll be stuck at Intermediate again next year. I just couldn’t make any of the moves work! It was so incredibly frustrating! I was making SO much progress this year and now, because of that stupid illness, it’s like I’m back at Beginner all over again! Still...I won’t know the results of any of them until tomorrow at the earliest.

[Yukiko]

May 27, 415 A.W.

Well, I received the results of my exams today. I passed nearly every single one with pretty high scores, considering how little time I had to prepare. And like I suspected, I failed my Firebending one miserably. It’ll be another year of Beginning Intermediate training, it seems. I’m really disappointed about that. I was hoping to achieve at least Advanced by the time I finished school. This really sets my plans back. It’s gonna be tough enough getting into the Fire Nation Army just because I’m a girl. Not many women make it into the Armed Forces. We’re not “hot-blooded” enough for it. But if I can’t even master Intermediate level bending, it’ll be even harder. Sure, I’m a Kazan and will one day achieve Master status as a swordwielder. That’s kind of inevitable. But even so, if I want to honor my father’s and brothers’ memories, I need to become an amazing Firebender! Grandfather was right about that, at least. The true honor and glory in our nation comes from being a Firebender. Any other type of fighter is viewed as somewhat inferior. I don’t want to be seen as inferior - a lesser being. No one deserves that.

[Yukiko]

June 2, 415 A.W.

Genji and I arrived on Ember Island a few hours ago. Grandfather has a vacation home here for family use, but I sometimes wonder if anyone besides my folks ever used it. It doesn’t feel lived in at all or even taken good care of, though it’s always in excellent condition. I know it’s just a vacation house, but shouldn’t it still feel cozy? Homey? Maybe it’s just because this year, it’s just the two of us and Hotaka. I don’t remember ever thinking that when I came here with everyone.

[Yukiko]

June 14, 415 A.W.

I’ve been here almost two weeks and I don’t think I’ve spent more than a few hours each night in that house. I’ve spent even less time around Genji. He likes to stay near the water and catch the cool ocean breezes. That’s fine and all, but swimming gets boring after a while. I don’t really like sitting around like that. It’s...boring. Leaves too much time to think about stuff I don’t want to think about.

So I’ve spent my entire two weeks wandering the island. It’s not so terribly big that it’s unreasonable to hike all over it. There’s a lot of caves in the cliffs on the north side of the island. It’s cool to think that maybe Avatar Aang stayed in one of them when he arrived here centuries ago. I mostly go there with Hotaka and poke around in them. I’m always finding something new. Like today, I found an entire pod of iguana seals. Hotaka had a field day with them. He just dove right in and chased them into the water! I yelled for 10 minutes before he finally came back. He didn’t attack them or anything. I think he just wanted to play...which is a weird thing to think. He’s never seemed like a creature that likes to play. But maybe it’s a sign he’s becoming more tame. That would be nice.

[Yukiko]

June 28, 415 A.W.

It’s not as fun here without Papa. Without any of them. Not even the Ember Island Players was as amusing this year. I kind of want to go back to the capital. Even exploring the island has become boring. Maybe next year we can go abroad. Travel a bit like we did last year. We could go to Omashu or Ba Sing Se, maybe even Gaoling. I think that’d be cool.